In today’s world, many struggle with the idea of self-love, not just because social media makes it extremely difficult, but also because many people don’t know what self love is. Self-love can look different for everyone, but some common questions to ask yourself to know whether or not you show yourself enough love or not are: Do I mostly make good choices that benefit me and my future? Do I take care of my body and mental health? Do I take time out of my life, even if occasionally, to have some “me time”? Do I compare myself to others frequently? If you answer no to most of these questions, then that may be a sign that you need to start loving yourself more. But why do so many of us struggle with self love?
Ms. Mathieu, one of the counselors at Wheeling Park High School shares her views on this.
“I think there are so many outside influences that bring negative thoughts into our self-image, like social media, grades, relationships,” said Mathieu. “If we don’t have a significant other or if we get a bad grade on a test, we have no worth as a person. However, that is not where our worth comes from. Every single person is valuable and worthy of respect, love, and success – all other outside factors are just extra.”
It is important to remind ourselves that our value isn’t and cannot be measured in numbers and percentages, everyone has different strengths, just because your strengths don’t match up with your peers, it doesn’t mean that you’re not good enough at all. Social media can make us forget that everything posted is intentional, meaning only the perfect captured moments. It is very easy to get caught up in what looks like people’s picture-perfect lives, and find ourselves comparing ourselves to others. This makes self-love even more difficult.
“I think social media makes it really easy to try to find love/affection in exterior ways. Many will place their value as a person on how many likes they get or followers they have,” said Mathieu. “But, truly the most important opinion is your own.”
So the next time you find yourself comparing your appearance or life to others, just keep in mind that social media is not reality, and comparison is the thief of joy. There are thousands of ways to show yourself self love, Ms.Mathieu shared some of her favorite ways of practicing self-love.
“I think the most important, but also most difficult way of practicing self-love is setting boundaries. Setting a boundary around what makes you feel safe, comfortable, and seen is the height of self-love,” said Mathieu.
When we set boundaries for ourselves, we set a limit that others cannot and should not cross. This protects our values and ensures that others cannot abuse them. It is also very important to not lower your values or boundaries for anyone, even if others pressurize you, because your boundaries are there for your own protection.
“I also think working on our self-talk can help self-love. A lot of time, we are our toughest critics and worst enemies,” said Mathieu. “By rephrasing how we talk to ourselves and stopping the harsh language we use in our brain, we can work toward self-love.”
Our brain becomes what we repeatedly tell it, so it is very important to never talk about yourself negatively. Instead, saying positive affirmations everyday, and actually believing them can help us love ourselves more. How to keep a healthy balance between self-love and selfishness?
“Self-love is different than selfishness because it’s not necessarily about only thinking about yourself. It’s about loving yourself to know what you deserve in life and what boundaries you need to set,” said Mathieu. “Sometimes, self-love does involve what looks like “selfishness,” but the best way you can be a good friend, partner, teammate, etc, is by first loving yourself. As RuPaul says, if you can’t love yourself, how the heck you gonna love anybody else.”
It is very important to be satisfied with yourself before living with someone else, otherwise your struggles with yourself can disrupt relations with others.
Accept yourself, before you seek others to accept you, and love yourself, before loving others.
