Here at Wheeling Park we have a very transparent problem that needs to be addressed: the lack of windows. There are some teachers whose classrooms haven’t had windows since the school was built.

Some students only see the outside world in between classes for a very short period of time. Those stolen glances of the scenery around our school are just not cutting it. Students and staff are dying to see the outside world.

Sophomore student Morgan Graski bravely shared, saying, “I’ve actually cried over the lack of windows. I feel a deep connection with nature and thrive best in a setting full of it. I deeply resonate with Fawn from Tinkerbell, so I take the school’s lack of windows personal. It’s a borderline criminal offense.”

These feelings are seen in teachers as well. Mrs. Johnson, a teacher without windows in her classroom says, “My best friend and coworker, Mrs. Seals, was blessed with having windows in her classroom. This has caused serious problems in our friendship. It once got so bad that she was forced to barricade her door because I was trying to break into her classroom. Being deprived of the outside world makes me feel trapped and drives me to the brink of insanity.”

The science department has come to a common consensus that depriving students of natural scenery depletes their serotonin levels and increases the chance of depression. With this being such a present issue, the problem needs to be solved as quickly as possible.

Don’t fret, because the solution is quite clear. If the school is lacking windows, the only plausible solution is to destroy and rebuild the school only using glass.

When I say only glass, I mean only glass. Any materials that currently exist in the school will be redesigned to fully function as a glass object. Similar to the way the counselors have taken away every aspect of privacy and made their entire office glass.

No matter where you are in the school, you will be able to clearly see all your surroundings. Rebuilding new doors, walls, floors, desks, chairs, and every other essential part of our school with glass will not only help with allowing students to witness the beautiful greenery on the hill, but simply promote transparency.

Thinking logically, only positive outcomes will ensue. With a completely glass school, we also reduce the security risks. How can an intruder sneak up on us if everyone can see them? They can’t, it’s impossible. In order to implement this properly, the school will need a prolonged period of time to work on the construction.

That being said, school is going to have to be canceled for two consecutive years. Students will not be returning after the present school year ends, and they will progress to the next scheduled grade upon returning.

Teachers, don’t worry about losing your salary because in order for the school to continue funding the new sports fields and afford all the glass we’ll need, they must opt out of hiring a new construction team.

The next viable solution is to use teachers in replacement of the construction workers. Imagine Mrs. Droginske holding a hammer with a construction hat, it just makes sense.

This gives teachers a bonding experience with one another and also helps them with building a connection to the school. Their work will be engraved into the school, since they’ll be the ones building it.

As for students, we recommend you spend the next two years learning how to deal with the reduction of personal privacy. The glass materials will be present in every aspect of the new schools, bathrooms included. This should not pose a problem as e-hallpass will still be in full function and continue to help solve the ongoing bathroom problems our school seems to suffer from.

We believe that glass bathrooms will also solve the problem of bathroom destructions. Students will not be inclined to destroy items outside of stalls when those inside the stalls can see them clearly. If any destruction does ensue, it will become significantly easier to locate the guilty student thanks to our new see through stalls.

With the overwhelming positives seen by the all glass school plan, one must consider the inherent damage we cause by not implementing it immediately. Chaos will continue and the community will see nothing but suffering. It’s overtly clear that glass is the only way to go.