Almost a year after the heinous kidnapping of Big Nuts, a squirrel who lived in Mrs. Seals’s classroom for numerous years, we finally have received an update on his condition from the squirrel-napper. In the interest of my source’s safety, they and their associates will be remaining anonymous throughout the article.
Mrs. Seals and other concerned friends and family of Big Nuts have been waiting for the squirrel-napper to finally let everyone know how he is doing for almost a full year, and this has been clearly weighing on the conscience of Mrs. Seals in specific.
“Does anyone know where Big Nuts is? I’m heartbroken that he has absconded for these last 9 months. An investigation must begin into his whereabouts and who’s responsible for his disappearance,” said Seals.
Some of Seals’s past students have been concerned about Big Nuts as well, they have been worried about his condition since the heist last year, and they wonder where he’s gone.
“I’m just really worried about him, I hope he’s staying safe. I know that Africa is a really different environment and the adjustment can’t be easy for him. I want him to know we’re sincerely here for him and hope he succeeds,” said junior Bri Zoeckler.
“Big Nuts is an absolute legend. I once saw him save 15 cats from a burning building. Wherever you are Big Nuts, just know you’re a hero and we miss you,” said junior Henleigh Shia.
After all this time, the squirrel-napper has a message for those concerned that will put them all at ease for the time being.
“Big Nuts is safe, and he will remain in that condition…for now,” said the squirrel-napper.
The original ransom note received by Mrs. Seals said that Big Nuts would be going to Africa if she didn’t comply with their demands, and to Africa he went! He traveled to Ghana this past summer with the squirrel-napper and his associates, though he was not harmed and is reported to have actually had a good time.
“Big Nuts went to a wildlife reserve and saw a beautiful variety of rare animals. He also went to a market and purchased an assortment of produce and various other items. He enjoyed home-cooked traditional foods such as jollof rice, banku, fried plantains, and pounded yam. He was immersed in rich culture and had numerous wonderful experiences,” said an associate of the squirrel-napper.
Will Big Nuts be returned to Mrs. Seals soon? That we aren’t sure of, but the squirrel-napper seems to have plans in place.
“As for his return? The safe homecoming of the squirrel depends entirely on you, Seals,” said the squirrel-napper.
It seems that the ball is now in Mrs. Seals’s court, and it is up to her how she wishes to proceed. For now, let us all release a relaxing breath in knowing that Big Nuts is being taken care of and has nothing to fear.
